If you subscribe, I'll thank you in my acceptance speech.

Bonus: If you’re not a tweeter, Oscar night is the perfect night to take a test run. It’s like having your funniest friends right there in the room with you, except you don’t have to shower or serve snacks . . . and you get to drink all the champagne yourself.

Don’t be scared. I’ll get you started. Login at twitter.com and follow these tweeps for red carpet and Oscar fun:

@marinkaNYC
@wendiaarons
@ooph
@marymac
@letmestart
@nicoleleighshaw
@suburbanhaiku  (of course!)

Tweet me hi so I know to follow you back. Just type @suburbanhaiku somewhere in your tweet and I’ll be able to see it. Cheers!

Act like a grown up. Subscribe.

Chances are that tomorrow's haiku will not be about poop. Subscribe.

Bonus! A few words of explanation about my favorite bonus ever: The talented Stephanie Sprenger at Mommy, For Real called for ParentZ Bop submissions and I couldn't resist sending a Price family favorite. We sing this little ditty whenever the mood strikes (and, of course, laughter only makes the problem worse).

When I unveiled Stephanie's amazing rendition to the Price brothers, they threatened to sue me for royalties. Then we laughed 'til we cried. Thank you for immortalizing our family theme song, Stephanie! We love it. A little too much, probably. (What is wrong with us?)

You know what would perk me right up? Subscribe.

Bonus: Speaking of perk, Kim Bongiorno has a list of sick day perks for you on NickMom. Look on the bright side!

Let's take it from the top. Subscribe.

Bonus: Does the school talent show turn you into a beast, too? More school talent show haiku on NickMom today.